So. You’ve got the munchies. Don’t worry, it happens to everyone at one time or another. Enjoying the delicious taste of food is one of the great pleasures of being high. After choosing the cannabis strain you want, the only problem is deciding what to eat, and we’re here to help you out. To start with, it helps to understand the four elements of the only food groups that matter. Then we have compiled a list of the ten best foods to eat when you have the munchies.
The Only Food Groups You Need to Know Right Now
We’re not talking about the Food Pyramid or MyPlate—although those are great for ensuring a balanced diet, —this is something much more important. We’re talking about engaging all of your senses for a veritable culinary cabaret. Everything tastes better with a bag of weed, and the most appealing tastes and textures fall into four distinct groups that complement each other beautifully when combined.
Sweet foods are irresistible and instantaneously delicious. Candy, chocolate, pies, cakes, and ice cream are just some examples of sweet delights. These foods are good to purchase or prepare in advance so you don’t end up with decision paralysis between the Twizzlers and Red Vines at the grocery story or trying to bake cookies when all you have are butter and baking soda. You’re not going to feel great about your choices the next day if you don’t plan ahead. If you maintain a munchie stash, and you never have to worry about going without. Stick to the snack sizes, and you’ll be all right.
Salty foods are a cornerstone of the four food groups because salt makes everything taste better. And since cannabis already makes everything taste better, that’s like exponentially tastier food! Pizza, Funyuns, Doritos, Chex Mix, and pretzels are great mainstays of salty sensations. Salty foods are also the easiest to overdo, however, because the taste of salt actually makes it harder to stop eating. Just like with sweet foods, try to manage your portion sizes in advance to avoid the adverse health effects of eating too much salt. “Family size” should be taken literally.
“Wait!” you’re probably saying, “chewy isn’t a taste!” And you’re right, (as usual), but chewiness is an undeniable quality to so many of our favorite foods. It’s like exercise for your mouth, and one of the few exercise trends we can stand behind. And chewing will help your salivary glands counteract the dry-mouth endemic to some stronger strains. Lean into it with some sugarless gum, Twizzlers, gummy bears, Rice Krispies treats, caramel, or cow tales. It turns out most things that are chewy are also sweet. Kinda weird now that we think about it.
The fourth and final food group offers some contrast. Sometimes you just want to snap into something, and that’s where your crunchy foods come in. Think potato chips, crackers, popcorn, even carrots and celery if you are feeling adventurous. Their satisfying crispiness will be a welcome reprieve after all of that endless chewing. Some crunchy foods are also sweet—like Whoppers or Butterfingers—so feel free to mix and match!
Top 10 Munchie Foods
If you can’t decide what to eat, here are our picks for the top ten foods to eat whenever you’ve got the munchies. We recommend eating them in reverse chronological order if possible for best results.
10. Ice Cream
There’s nothing better than your favorite ice cream or frozen yogurt if you want something cool, sweet, and refreshing. We recommend limiting yourself to a half pint at a time—or three scoops. If you eat a whole carton of ice cream and you’ll just hate yourself in the morning. Many flavors come with bonus candy or fruit mixed in, but you can also add your own toppings by picking up a bag of candy, crushed nuts, or some chocolate sauce.
Of course, you’re not limited to what’s in the freezer! It’s a great time to take a walk. In Portland, you can find some excellent ice cream at Eb & Bean, Salt & Straw, Cloud City or Cool Moon—and you can even get orders to go!
9. Cheese Crackers
Cheese crackers are crunchy, salty, and are often made with real cheese. Cheese flavored anything gets all smooth and buttery and creamy as you eat it. We’re drooling just thinking about it! Pot Mates doesn’t receive endorsements for these recommendations, we just like what we like. Like Cheddar Baked Lays, Goldfish, Better Cheddars and Cheese-It’s. Cheese crackers present a fantastic combination of flavor and texture. Pair with water or juice to stave off the inevitable dry-mouth and remember, “Family Size” is not meant as a challenge.
8. Macaroni & Cheese
Talk about smooth, buttery, and creamy! Macaroni & cheese combines almost all of the four food groups. It’s chewy and salty, warm and a just a little sweet. It is mostly made of cheese if you do it right, and it comes in a variety of shapes of noodle. Quick and simple to make, macaroni and cheese is a childhood favorite that you can still enjoy as a self-respecting grown up adult. They even make it in easily-microwaveable single-serving bowls! If you cook it yourself, you can add bacon (crunchy, salty), sausage (spicy), cut up hot dogs(chewy), or tuna to enrich the flavor and be a real chef. Throw some chicken nuggets in the oven before you start cooking, and they’ll be done in about the same time! Well, if you remember to turn the oven on.
Don’t want to make it yourself? We don’t blame you! You are a grown up adult and don’t have to cook if you don’t want to. Check out Herb’s Mac & Cheese or PDX Mac and Cheese Bar for the best mac & cheese in Portland.
These are harder to make yourself unless you have a donut pan, in which case you should be making donuts right now. Why aren’t you making donuts every day? Most stores have little boxes of breakfast donuts or bags full of tiny donettes for only a couple of dollars! If you want to get fancy, Portland plays host to a number of gourmet donut shops like Blue Star or Pip’s Original Donuts and Chai. Voodoo Doughnut even has a Rapper’s Delight special which consists of three donuts for $4.20! Trying to go vegan? Check out Doe Donuts, you’ll be pleasantly surprised!
Pro-tip, donuts are better hot. Heat before you eat and put some of that ice cream on top. The donut soaks up some of the melted ice cream and keeps you from getting brain freeze. Didn’t we tell you this was a shopping list?
You cannot go wrong with pretzels. They can be chewy or crunchy, enjoyed warm or cold. You can buy (or bake) big sourdough pretzels with salty flavor crystals, or pick up a package of crunchy pretzels at the grocery store. Dip them in honey mustard, ranch dressing, or even melted chocolate if you want to be decadent! Bread is so good, and pretzels make one of the best bread-based snacks. They have this earthy, yeasty smell and taste that you can’t really get anywhere else. We know these pretzels are going to make you thirsty, so bring some drink.
Okay, this isn’t technically “food,” but it goes great with just about everything and should be its own category on the food pyramid. You can spread it on a bagel or a slice of bread, dip your favorite foods into it (pretzels, anyone?) or even just stick your finger in and eat it straight out of the jar. Eew. But if it’s yours, it’s okay. Don’t eat too much though, this cocoa hazelnut spread is loaded with sugar, and a little goes a long way.
We didn’t want to like these because their name is so on-the-nose, but Munchies may well be the most delicious crunchy/salty snack out there. Each bag consists of a mixture of Sun Chips, pretzels, Cheetos, and Doritos in a variety of flavors—from cheesy to spicy to ranch. You could always buy a few bags of your own and combine them for your own custom mix. They’re all a great route to enjoy that irresistible combination of crunchy and salty. Of course, you could also make your own by buying your own favorite snacks and mixing them together, but having it already put together in one convenient bag is almost too good to be true. (They also don’t pay us. We don’t want sponsors.)
3. Crudités (/ˌkro͞odəˈtā/)
Bet you weren’t expecting us to use fancy words on this list, but we’re fancy. Crudités is a French word for assorted cuts of raw vegetables. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it! After all of that sugar and salt, nothing is more refreshing than some cool cucumber, carrots or celery. They are juicy and delicious, great for when you’re hungry and thirsty. They are crunchy water you can dip in sauce. Crudités can help you fight dry mouth while simultaneously filling you up. If you don’t think vegetables have enough flavor on their own, you can always dip peanut butter, ranch dressing, cream cheese, Nutella, caramel sauce, or your own favorite sauce.
2. Cookies (Any Kind)
Did you know that cookies are technically bread? You can bake them from scratch with just eggs, flour, sugar, and butter. A whole lot of sugar and butter. If you want, you can use chocolate chips, oatmeal, or raisins, to make them extra-delicious. Or you can buy those cookie dough packages you see in the store to have them ready-to-bake at a moment’s notice. Freshly baked cookies are the best! Cookies contain all four of our food groups. Crunchy on the outside, chewy and gooey on the inside, packed full of sweet, delicious sugar, but enough butter and salt to keep you going. Some places, like the Cookie Dough Café, offer cookie dough desserts that are specially made to be consumed safely without being baked. Well, you should be baked, be forewarned—their portions can be deceptively large.
It might be chewy, it might be crunchy, but it is always savory and delicious, pizza has been a staple pairing with cannabis ever since it was invented. Take some bread, bury it in sauce and cheese and whatever’s clever for toppings. The crust is buttery and crunchy, the top cheesy and chewy and melty. You can make it yourself in less time than it takes to wait for delivery, pick up a couple of frozen pies from the store, or order in from any number of reputable pizza spots around town. We like to support our local businesses like Hot Lips, Pizzicato, and Sizzle Pie, but there’s nothing wrong with ordering a little Domino’s or Pizza Hut if the craving strikes. We’ve heard that any pizza is a personal pizza with enough dedication.
Since you’re fully equipped with all of your favorite snacks, now is the perfect time to learn proper joint-smoking etiquette. Fortunately for you, we have an article for that.